Low libido moments and dips in sex drive can happen. Whether they’re brought on by lifestyle choices, moods, or the availability of sex, the ebb and flow of the libido tide is something most of us encounter at one point or another.
But these ebbs and flows aren’t always welcome. And sometimes the tide stays out a lot longer than you’d like.
So what are the causes? How can you encourage the flow of pleasure to return? And how exactly does the male chastity fetish combat low libido?
Why Sex Gets Stale
It’s believed that 1 in 5 men experience libido lows. And while there are lots of potential causes, the most common one is a natural, unavoidable fact of life: aging.
From the age of about 40, a man’s testosterone levels gradually drop 1-2% each year. And it’s the testosterone hormone that has a direct effect on sex drive. A reduced testosterone level generally leads to a reduced libido.
But this is a gradual change for men of a certain age, and can’t really be controlled (unless you talk to your doctor about taking testosterone supplements).
Other factors leading to low libido are often environmental and lifestyle choices.
9 Factors That Crush Libido
Triggers can differ from one man to the next. And how long the lull lasts depends on the cause.
Stress, anxiety, and exhaustion. Sex is most pleasurable when you have the energy for it and aren’t being distracted by anything else. So if your mind is elsewhere, or you're physically and mentally weary, sex slips off the table. Being in this headspace can also increase cortisol (the hormone released when you’re stressed and upset), which can make it tougher to get an erection.
Mental health and depression. Similar to stress and anxiety, struggling with mental health or having depression can make being close to someone feel difficult. And so the sex may feel joyless, even if it used to bring you pleasure.
Medications. Some medications are known to lower libido, especially ones that affect hormonal or chemical balances in the body. For example, a number of antidepressants are known to affect sex drive.
Drugs and alcohol. These can delay reaction and, in some cases, suppress sensation, especially if you’re on a come-down. Sex simply may not feel as pleasurable as it could.
Self-esteem and lifestyle. How you feel about yourself and your body can affect sex, as can your daily activities. For example, not exercising at all or exercising too much can decrease a man’s libido.
But these aren’t the only reasons. Sometimes libido can dwindle due to factors within a relationship. For example, sex tends to fall to the bottom of the to-do list if:
- You’re going through a rough patch.
- You feel there’s a mismatch in your communication with your partner.
- You don’t have time for each other.
And finally, predictability. If sex starts to feel too repetitive, the monotony of it all may put you off doing it.
The Fix? Try “Self-Expanding”
A 2018 study found that couples who tried new and different activities together felt the benefits in their relationship, experiencing an increase in sexual desire and satisfaction.
The authors of the research called the activities self-expanding activities, and they included:
- Learning a new skill together.
- Doing things together around the home.
- Visiting somewhere different.
Of course, these experiences don’t have to be limited to the outside world. They can occur in the bedroom as well.
Commenting on the research in an article for Bustle, here’s what The Sex Docs Dr Cristina Bosch and Dr John Robbinson had to say:
“People get bored in the bedroom because they have a limited view of what sexuality and sex is all about. [So] if you believe that great sex is only about how hard and fast you can do it, then you are missing out on the multiple layers of fun that can develop in any good relationship.”
We couldn’t agree more. Mutually agreeable sexual experimentation can definitely be a catalyst for heightening a person’s sex drive. And you don’t have to spend long on the r/chastity training subreddit or forums to find posts from couples who are thinking about self-expanding using a cock cage.
But how exactly is chastity such a sexy mood enhancer?
6 Ways Cock Cage Play Can Reinvigorate Your Sex Life
The traditional definition of chastity means abstaining from sex and pleasure. Admittedly, this seems at odds with using it to raise libido. But locking your cock up has its sexy benefits, and they may just work as libido boosters for you and your partner.
1. It Looks and Feels Good
A locked and restrained cock can be visually stimulating, particularly if you match your cage with your style of play. It could be a jet-black cage for BDSM, or a sissy pink one for humiliation games.
You might also find you enjoy how it feels. Many men report liking the sensation of the cold metal on their skin, or the restriction of the cage pinning them down.
2. The Denial Can Make the Lust Grow Stronger
Pledging to abstain from sex, orgasms, and climaxing for a length of time often brings on feelings of wanting what you can’t have. In psychology, this is known as the scarcity effect.
The lack of sex and release while locked can lead to greater desire, especially when coupled with chastity games and titillation techniques that remind you of what you’re missing. (Mistress Tracy assures me this is very effective.)
3. It Can Redress a Libido Imbalance
It’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to want sex more than the other. In fact, one survey found that 80% of couples experience mismatched libidos. For those practicing chastity, it’s usually the person in the cage who has the higher sex drive.
Locking up may not completely mute the desire for sex. But many Keyholders report that the cage removes the pressure of sex, and brings greater feelings of control over their intimate life. And occasionally it leads to the Keyholder wanting it more as well. (The scarcity effect can work both ways.)
4. You Can Experience a Deeper Pleasure
Chastity slows the pace of your intimate life. It encourages you to look forward to intimate moments and think more deeply about what you may enjoy or achieve during those moments of freedom.
5. It Allows You to Explore Power Dynamics and Gender Roles
Wearing a device is an opportunity to release yourself from traditional power dynamics and gender roles. And if you generally need to make a lot of decisions at work or around the home, having a part of your life (especially an intimate part) controlled by a woman can feel very freeing.
6. Orgasm Control for Longer Sessions
Wearing a cage doesn’t take pleasure and orgasms completely off the table. You and your Keyholder will decide the rules around what’s acceptable. But assuming pleasure is allowed, you may become adept at ‘edging’. This is where an erogenous zone other than your locked cock is stimulated to the point of climax, and then the stimulation stops. There’s a chance to catch your breath before the stimulation starts again.
Edging like this allows you to enjoy pleasure. And it’s a technique often recommended for men facing premature ejaculation to increase their stamina.
Making Chastity Work for Your Sex Life
Most fetishes are flexible. So if you’re tempted to try chastity (either solo or with a partner), remember that you can adapt the fetish to fit with your lifestyle. For example, you may use it purely as a sex toy you wear in the lead-up to sex and during the act. Or you might consider permanent chastity and a more involved female-led relationship dynamic.
Whatever you choose, make it work for you.
Head here to learn more about the health and partner benefits of male chastity.