Does it feel like your chastity journey is stalling, or has come to a complete standstill? If so, then it might be time to reassess your relationship with the fetish. After all, what turns us on (or off) can change over time. And even if you can’t put a finger on why you feel the need to end your male chastity relationship, the fact is you are feeling that way.
But how exactly do you close that door with a partner, a pro Dominant, or your cock cage? And where does that leave your pledge?
There are a few ways to tackle this tricky subject. But first, let’s make sure you really want out of the cage.
Signs the Cage Has Got to Go
Your gut may already be telling you what your next move should be. But seeing it here may be the validation that leads to action.
With that in mind, see if any of the following hit close to home. And if one or more of them do, it’s probably time to hang up the cage.
- You spend more time thinking about getting out of the cage than enjoying being locked.
- You come up with excuse after excuse not to put the cage back on after a period of unlock.
- The device just sits there, and doesn’t feature in your kinky games or bring any fun to your sex life.
These points are all pretty clear cut. A situation that’s harder to unravel is if your dwindling lust for cage life is prompted by someone else’s change of heart. For example, if your Keyholder has lost interest and their boredom has rubbed off on you.
If this is the case, ask yourself:
Do I really want to stop practicing chastity?
Or does the Keyholding dynamic need to change or end?
Ending a Chastity Arrangement
Let’s assume you’re certain that you’re ready to step away from male chastity. How you go about that will depend on the arrangement you’re in.
Choose the option that best describes your situation to get ideas for how to end your cock cage relationship.
With a Life Partner Keyholder
Let’s start by saying that ending a chastity relationship doesn’t necessarily mean ending your relationship completely. That would be insane, particularly if you have a whole life together and chastity is just one part of it.
What can make it difficult is if one of you wants to end the chastity play but the other one doesn’t. How you navigate that situation will depend on the discussions you have.
To make sure they’re productive, and result in an outcome you’re both happy with, follow some general relationship communication tips such as:
- Choosing a time to talk about chastity when you’re both available and won’t be interrupted.
- Making sure you have the energy and headspace to discuss it.
- Having clear notes and ideas ready so you know what you want to say.
- Taking time to think about the other side of the argument, and how your partner may react.
- Putting your phone on silent and out of the way.
- Being prepared to listen to what your partner has to say.
To draw a line through this part of your relationship and give it a proper farewell, you might want to set a date for your chastity pledge to end. You’ll also need to discuss and adjust any controls and permissions that came from your power dynamic play, particularly if you’re ending a female-led relationship.
With a Professional Keyholder
Ending a keyholding arrangement with a professional Dominant or Mistress may not be easy. Sure, it was transactional. But fetish and kink play involves emotions and trust, and bringing that to an end may well leave a lump in your throat (which for once they didn’t cause).
The first thing you should do is check the contract you have in place with your Dominant, or any messages you exchanged at the start of your journey. Find the part that outlines how to end the service so you can follow the requests and end the relationship respectfully. After all, this is their job.
Next, you need to approach your Dominant Keyholder and let them know your intentions. A few nerves may creep in at this point. But London-based Goddess Cleo says there’s nothing to worry about. “A chastity sub should be able to approach the topic of ending their chastity agreement at any point, unless there’s been a specific request for this to be disallowed in their chastity contract,” she says.
The next step is agreeing on when the contract officially ends. “Depending on time available and location, there will either be an official unlocking session where the sub presents themself in person to be unlocked, or if it's online then keys are returned to the sub,” says Goddess Cleo, with keys being popped in the mail if an in-person meet up isn’t possible.
The final step is deciding what happens to any photos or videos that were exchanged as part of the contract, such as chastity check in images. Cleo explains that what happens to content made during that time really “depends on the individuals involved. Usually the content is kept privately, deleted by one or both sides, or used as content [by the Dominant] if that was part of the agreement,” she says.
With a Playmate Keyholder
This may be someone you met on the fetish scene or through the male chastity community. And while they hold your keys in return for your submission, you’re not in a romantic relationship with them. Ending this arrangement will likely be similar to that of using a professional keyholding service. You should have established an agreement at the beginning of your pledge that you can now refer to.
What’s important is being honest about why you feel the way you do, and why you want the arrangement to end. It may turn out they feel the same way, and your time as kinky play partners has simply run its course.
With the Chastity Fetish Completely
So what if it’s just you? No one else is involved, and the practicalities and dailyness of male chastity are turning you off the fetish.
First, know that you’re not alone. A handful of people in the community have shared similar feelings, which is reassuring. The easier option would be to just drop off. But how do you actually go about it?
That depends on your current attachment to your cage. You could unlock, go cold turkey, and that’s that. But you may experience cage withdrawals, particularly if you’ve been practicing permanent chastity.
If cage addiction is a thing, and you find yourself crawling back to your device even though you ultimately want out, then steadily weaning yourself off is a better approach. Just as you build yourself up to long-term chastity, gradually decreasing the length of time you wear the cage may be your best way out.
However you work it, don’t feel bad if you find it easy to quit, or that it takes a little longer than you thought it might. As the kids say, You do you, boo.
Switching From Partnered Chastity to Solo Chastity
If your re-evaluation makes you realize it’s the keyholding you want to give up rather than the cage wearing, you’re probably wondering how to switch from partnered play to solo chastity.
And there are definitely some differences. For example, self-discipline and controlling your urges are now your responsibility.
Deciding how you’ll hold yourself accountable is a primary objective. And there are a couple of things you can do to keep yourself true.
For example, you can write a contract outlining all the things you can and can’t do while caged and uncaged, and then sign it. Setting a clear chastity goal also helps. State why you’re practicing the lifestyle, and what you want to get out of it. This gives you something to focus on when things get tough.
You could also seek accountability from others by signing up and contributing to chastity community forums and Reddit threads.
But before you start, make sure you:
- Work out some rewards and punishments.
- Set up some solo chastity games to keep your lock-up time fun and interesting.
And of course, you’ll need to work out what to do with your general and emergency chastity keys.
Your Next Move
Ending a relationship is never easy. And stepping away from chastity might feel challenging, especially if you’ve been practicing it for some time or have a Keyholder.
Giving yourself the opportunity to evaluate what’s turned you off the fetish may lead you to new ideas on how to involve male chastity in your day-to-day life. Or it may simply make it clear that you’re done.
Whatever you decide today will be the right thing to do right now. And never say never. If you return in a month, a year, or longer, know that we’ll still be here.
