Playing with chastity from a fetish perspective relies on a power dynamic. There needs to be a Dominant—someone who implements the rules and holds the keys. And there needs to be a submissive—someone who’s willing to submit to the rules and wear the cage.
This dynamic always exists in some form or another, whether in a full-blown female-led relationship (FLR), a bedroom bondage arrangement, or submitting to a digital chastity timer. It’s how chastity and pledges work.
But is the sub in the cage the only way to enjoy this fetish?
The beautiful thing about sex, fetishes, and kinky play is that you and your partner (if you have one) can write the rules. Chastity is no different. And there are people and couples in the community who aren’t playing in the traditional way.
It’s time we talked more about caged Alphas and playing switch.
What It Means to Be a Bdsm Switch
Some people in the BDSM scene have it easy. They know they’re either 100% Dominant or 100% submissive. They feel it in their bones, and have no desire whatsoever to play the other role. In fact, some people feel so strongly about this that assuming the opposite role is totally abhorrent to them.
But for others it’s not so clear cut. They may want to be dominant in some encounters and submissive in others depending on:
- Their mood.
- The type of day they’ve had.
- How creative they’re feeling.
- Who they’re playing with.
For them, it’s all part of the fun of play.
Changing roles from one scene to another is called switching, with the people who play this way calling themselves switch.
Male Chastity. It’s Not Just for Submissive Guys
Most guys who are into chastity are submissive. And they know it. Having someone (usually a woman) control their cock and sex life turns them on. When cock cages are discussed in mainstream media, these are the voices we usually hear: a sub guy or sissy maid locks his cock away because his Dominant demanded it.
This chastity dynamic is the default even at LTC. Most of you out there prefer the sub life. But if you listen carefully, you’ll hear the voices of men who identify as Alpha or switch and enjoy the chaste life. They use their cage as a:
- Symbol to their submissive or keyholder that they’re waiting for them.
- Pleasure object because it feels good and builds sexual tension.
- Reward for their sub, who gets to clean, care, and worship it.
And, similar to chastity subs, Alphas use the cage to remove focus from their genitals so they can better dedicate themselves to their submissive’s needs.
A Cage Doesn’t Maketh a Sub
While researching this article, I stumbled across a great forum discussion about caging a dominant man. At the heart of the discussion was the question, ‘Is it even possible?’ One member eloquently summed it up like this:
‘You wouldn’t put an aggressive animal in a cage and call it submissive because of where it is.’
Whatever your disposition—Dom, sub, or switch—wearing a chastity cage can feel good and bring an intensity to your relationship or intimate life that other sex toys can’t. And we should have the freedom to move away from the idea that ‘cage’ equals ‘submissive’.
Being a good sub takes more than a bit of kit. It’s a mindset. A desire. And for some people, it’s an entire way of life.
If that’s not part of who you are—if it’s not in your nature—then trying to give that up completely will be hard. But you’re welcome to try.
Whatever your disposition—Dom, sub, or switch—wearing a chastity cage can feel good and bring an intensity to your relationship or intimate life that other sex toys can’t.
Making It Work. Ideas for Defining Your Dominance and Spelling out Your Wish to Switch While Wearing a Cage
Giving up control of your cock and sex life can feel liberating, especially if you have a lot of power and responsibility in your vanilla life. But there’s no reason to give all of that up while wearing a cage. You might be tempted to dial it back or switch.
If you are tempted, and know you don’t want to completely stop being Dom, start by asking yourself ‘How much do I want to be in control?’ For example, you and your partner may agree that you remain the head of the household. But when it comes to the bedroom your wants and needs take a back seat.
If the idea of giving up all intimate control all of the time leaves you cold, you might agree on a Day of Dominance that coincides with your unlocking. While you’re free, you call the shots.
For keyholding partners with their own submissive side, elevating you to Dom gives them some respite from the responsibility. (But if they’re deciding when you’re unlocked and when you’re in your cage, who’s really in control?)
Be clear on who holds the power and when. And set a time or a signal for when the dynamic switches. This will keep your games running smoothly, and avoid power struggles or instances of topping from the bottom.
Topping from the bottom is when the person who should be submissive directs the play to ultimately get what they want. This can work for some couples, especially if the assumed Dom is still learning the ropes.
Feelings Can Change
You may not feel ready to let go of all control and completely submit. And your partner may have made clear they don’t want to be Dominant all of the time. The fact this will ever change may not be obviously on the cards. But there is anecdotal evidence to suggest that over time the power of the cage changes how you feel about your role.
Those who knew they wanted to retain some Dominance, and for their partner to keep some of their sexual submissiveness, had a change of heart once a cage was involved. If that happens, lean into it. Take the time to discuss your changing feelings about the roles you both hold in the relationship. Make sure each of you is getting what you want out of it, and from your chastity play.
