Where there’s a cock cage, there’s a submissive man. The question is, does that man control his subservience, or does he rely on the dominance of another?
As someone who wears a chastity cage, you know that submitting to the ‘normal’ gender roles isn’t for you. You’re done with the idea that all of your sexual energy is focused on one spot. (Your cock.) And the man-equals-decision-maker-at-work-and-at-home stereotype has worn thin. You know you’re submissive in nature. (Huge cue: you lock your cock into a cage.) You’re comfortable with who you are. But you’re now wondering what does a relationship with the guy as the submissive look and feel like?
Let’s talk about the empowering and chastity fetish-friendly dynamic of the female led relationship (FLR). This is the dream Dom/sub power dynamic relationship style for many in the chastity community. Having a dominant woman controlling when the cage goes on and comes off, and delivering moments of temptation and endless teasing, is an essential part of the cock cage experience.
A fetish in its own right, FLR has a close relationship with chastity. But not all couples who embrace this relationship dynamic, enjoy cage play. So what exactly is FLR? And what’s its role within the chastity community? This guide answers these common questions, and more.
What Is a Female Led Relationship?
Generally explored in heterosexual relationships, an FLR is a power-exchange dynamic. The female-identifying partner takes the dominant role with the male-identifying partner as the submissive.
How much control she has within the relationship depends on what the couple negotiates and agrees to. More on FLR intensity levels in a minute. But to give a broad example, a woman whose power extends to managing her partner’s cock cage and a woman who decides what her partner eats, wears, and spends his money on, are both in female led relationships.
FLRs may be between a man and his life partner (girlfriend, wife, friend with benefits), or a lifestyle Dominant who has ownership of more than one submissive man.
What Do Guys Love About FLRs?
Much has been said about the benefits of women in power. Studies into women leaders in business suggest:
- Companies with more than 30% female executives were likely to outperform companies with lower percentages.
- Staff in companies with female leaders anticipate fairer treatment within an organization.
- Women are more likely to exhibit high levels of relational behavior (meaning, they’re better at anticipating and managing other people’s emotions).
I’m not suggesting you run your relationship like a boardroom. But by handing power to the woman, you can apply the benefits women bring to business r in your personal relationship. For example, if you’re a couple who finds it hard to decide what to have for dinner, where to go on holiday, or whether you should buy that new sofa, well-defined roles in the relationship may ease those pressures. (Making you 30% more productive. Possibly.)
Having your female partner clearly in the dominant role can also remove power struggles, and reduce arguments. Or, if you’re worried that she’ll ignore your views when she gets the final word every time, take comfort in this 2022 global study by Cambridge University, UK, which found women are better empathizers than men.
Take Pleasure in Removing Gender Stereotypes
Socially defined gender roles can be so tiring. An FLR allows both the male and the female to step out from under their respective gender umbrellas and embrace the role that feels more natural for them.
He gets to abandon toxic masculinity ideologies. He also gets a break from decision-making pressures, a freedom that he may not get to enjoy outside his relationship.
An FLR allows both the male and the female to step out from under their respective gender umbrellas and embrace the role that feels more natural for them.
She gets to obliterate the stereotype of the mild-mannered, indecisive woman who needs her male partner’s approval before making any important decisions. Anecdotal evidence also suggests that women in FLRs feel more secure in their relationships, and in themselves. The consensual exchange of power bolsters their confidence by freeing them from how they were taught to behave as women.
Manage the Drawbacks in FLR
There are plenty of positives to being in a female led relationship. But like all relationships, they have their complexities. The most obvious being the degree of pressure placed on the person to take the lead, sometimes on every decision. This is a huge responsibility so, there may be times when she needs a break. (You may also need a break and some space to realize your autonomy, too.)
Ongoing communication is essential in FLRs. If (or when) someone needs a break from their role, they need to feel free to speak about this and perhaps ask to renegotiate the boundaries. If you’re new to FLR, there are bound to be teething problems. Finding your feet and figuring out what works can take time.
Conversely, rather than wanting a break, she might like the power a little too much. In this scenario, the partner in power may take advantage of their situation, risking an abusive relationship.
Not Everyone ‘Gets’ FLR
Different relationship styles are discussed more openly than they were 5 or 10 years ago. It’s now widely accepted that monogamy is not the only relationship style. But the concept of men and women reversing gender roles still bamboozles many people.
FLR couples may experience pressure or questioning from friends and family who think the dynamic is weird. Some couples don’t disclose that they’re in an FLR, choosing subtle ways to conduct their D/s roles in public. How much you divulge may depend on the intensity of your power exchange.
The 4 Intensity Levels
There are different FLR intensity levels. How the relationship looks depends on the couple and their respective wants and needs. That said, it’s generally accepted that there are 4 intensity levels.
Low Control – This relationship looks pretty evenly balanced. The couple will make most decisions together. The only discernible FLR trait is the woman having the final word after any discussion that’s taken place.
Medium Control – The day-to-day running of the relationship is led by her. She’ll decide what’s for dinner, who walks the dog, and how they spend their money. He’ll willingly accept her decisions on most matters.
High (defined) Control - Here we start to meet more recognizable FLR traits which may cross over into kink, fetish, and BDSM play. High control gives the woman the power to lead on pre-agreed aspects of the relationship, for example during sex and play, housework and chores, and how he refers to her. Defined control FLRs may be more obvious to those outside the relationship.
Extreme Control – The woman holds all the power. She controls everything, from what he wears to what he eats, when he ejaculates, and possibly even when and where he works. This is true Fem Dom. He may also be required to wear a symbol of his submission to her, such as a collar, bracelet, or cock cage. This intensity level is more likely to be a 24/7 lifestyle relationship.
The Connection Between FLRs and Male Chastity
There are dedicated spaces within the male chastity community for Dominant women in FLRs to congregate and talk. Such is the connection between the two fetishes. Whether the man wears a cage or not, his pleasure may be controlled by her. She can deny him or subject him to edging and ruined orgasms.
Not every FLR has to include chastity play. On the other hand, it’s possible to enjoy the male chastity cages fetish without being in any sort of female led relationship.
Finding Your FLR Partner
If you’re single and wondering where to meet a Dominant woman open to the FLR dynamic, here are two options. Your choice will depend on what sort of relationship you’re looking for.
Option one: Get involved with the BDSM community to meet like-minded and Dominant women seeking a partner. Attending BDSM club nights, munches, or Fem Dom events are good starting points. Online, you can sign up for sites such as FetLife and The Cage. While these aren’t exclusively dating sites, there are many opportunities to meet compatible playmates, including dominant women. Every relationship has to start somewhere. So complete your profile, start some conversations, and strike up some friendships. One of them may turn out to be just right.
Option two: Start a dialogue with a professional, lifestyle Dominant. FLRs don’t have to be with a life partner. If you’re not looking for romantic involvement or prefer an intermitted relationship this arrangement may suit you better, so go for it. Discover more about the role of a professional dominant and why it works as an FLR.
Female Led Relationships Are Still Relationships
Here we’ve discussed FLRs in relation to fetish play. However, it’s important to understand that the success of an FLR (as in any other relationship), relies on many of the elements any ‘vanilla’ relationship needs: trust, communication, attraction, kindness, consideration, and respect.
If you’re in a relationship and want a more intense FLR with your partner, then you may find these Lock The Cock articles helpful.
