If you’re feeling brave, and you’re willing to consent to a little kinky visualization, then I invite you to read on. (If you’re here simply for the mechanics of BDSM’s most psychological form of edgeplay, then skip ahead to the next section.)
Sticking around for some fun? You brave soul.
Let’s Imagine You’ve Just Walked Into My Dungeon
The low lights and exposed brick walls make the room feel cool. On one side of the room looms a St Andrews cross, on the other a prayer bench. You notice that each has two pairs of restraints next to them not yet fixed in place.
Spotlighted in the middle of the room is a waist-high table. And lined up on the top are six corporal punishment instruments.
You recognize them instantly.
Three are items you told me you enjoy being punished with. The other three, I notice, make your eyes widen, and I hear you take a short sharp breath. Three items you’ve never felt across your cute tooshie before but sound quite painful. Still, as you told me, you wouldn’t be averse to trying them.
And perhaps you’re about to find out just how they feel.
Without acknowledging what’s in front of us, I ask you to undress and put your blindfold on, as I need to make a final check of the restraints.
Politely, you inform me you’ve obeyed my command. I ask if you’re ready.
“Yes Mistress,” you reply with a wobble in your voice.
It’s at this point that you need to make some choices.
The first: Cross or bench?
The second: Pick a number between 1 and 3, and another number between 4 and 6. If you were paying attention before you put on the blindfold you would have noticed that each instrument had a number. You’ve just chosen the two items you’ll be spanked with during this session.
Oh no.
Did you pick at least one of your favorite spanking instruments? Or will you be getting double blows from two tools you believe to be “quite painful.”
I ask you to reaffirm that you know our safe word. And then the session begins.
What Is a Mindfuck, and How Does It Work?
Creating scenes that include a scintillating, adrenaline-inducing mindfuck is a fun way to play. The racing heart and whirring mind add to a Dominant’s rush of power and brings a level of excitement to a session that’s otherwise tough to capture.
Considered a form of edgeplay, the mindfuck is advanced BDSM. It’s for those who understand that the role of the Dominant Keyholder is more than just picking out a cage, locking it, and setting a release date. It involves knowing the personal limits of both the Dom and the sub, feeling confident in your relationship, and offering compassion and strength. Done well, the mindfuck can take the Mistress and the sub on a wild ride.
In his fantastic book How to Be Kinkier, sex educator and author Lord Morpheous succinctly (and with a certain level of arousing language) describes the BDSM mindfuck as such.
“A solid, hot, nasty and delicious mind fuck will challenge your partner’s comfort level. Psychologically it can create a strong emotional response. Depending on how you set it up, it can play with joy, anger, fear or humiliation, and can create other charged responses. A good mind fuck enhances play between two people, rather than detracting. It is not abuse, and because it walks a very fine line, right up to the razor’s edge of psychological play, it can have negative effects if you go too hard too fast or take it in a direction your partner is not prepared for.”
Misdirection and suggestion are at the heart of a mindfuck scene. Mindfucks of misdirection lull the sub into a false sense of security, sometimes to the point where they think they can predict what will happen next during play. But then the Dom suddenly spins the action into a direction they’re not expecting.
Mindfucks of suggestion plant an idea in the sub’s mind—usually of something they’d rather not have happen to them. They’re led to think the worst, but what actually happens is far less extreme.
In either case, play stays within the consent limits of the sub and the Dom, and relies on trust of the highest level. Each person’s boundaries are known to the other and, ideally, they’re so in tune with their play partner’s body language that the most subtle signs are noted. If you have this level of connection with someone, you can be confident about the scene moving in a direction that’s erotic for all.
This Play Comes With Risks
Getting a mindfuck wrong can have tragic consequences and create real fear with lasting effects. It is, after all, built on trust and emotion, and through manipulation places extreme ideas in the submissive’s mind.
Misjudging the situation, going too hard too fast, or not respecting boundaries can result in trauma beyond the dungeon walls and a loss of trust. It’s why you must know the person you’re playing with well and be aware of any triggers they have.
A Dominant must also have an awareness of when play has gone too far and be able to stop, especially if the safeword is used. Ending the scene may feel disappointing. But causing trauma and continuing when it’s clear the fun isn’t shared is abuse.
To keep both Dom and sub safe, make sure you:
- Are aware of any mental and physical triggers.
- Only explore mindfucks with a partner you know well.
- Have consent for the sort of play or mindfuck that’s being set up.
- Have plans in place to help, comfort, and manage the sub when they’re in a heightened state of emotion.
Different Mindfuck Styles
Bringing a mindfuck to life will depend on the emotions you’re trying to evoke and the suggestions you want to plant in the mind of the sub. Here are the most common ways a Dominant will mindfuck a sub.
The Predicament
Putting the sub between a rock and a hard place, the predicament forces them to make a choice. None of the choices will appeal to the sub, but one option will be the lesser of two (or more) evils. (It’s usually the option the Dom wants the sub to choose.)
Deception and Illusion
Mindfucks of deception and illusion are generally used to induce feelings of fear in the submissive. The Dominant will help them believe something is happening to them, but what’s actually happening is a lot less extreme.
Mental Focus
The Dominant gives the sub a mental task to complete (e.g. saying the alphabet in reverse) while simultaneously receiving some sort of physical stimulation (spanking, electro-stimulation, tickling, etc.) The stimulation ends when the task is completed. But if the sub makes a mistake they must start the task again, prolonging the stimulation.
Trust and Vulnerability
Using sensory deprivation tools such as blindfolds and hoods, the submissive is forced to rely on their Dominant for protection while they’re in a more vulnerable state. The Dom may guide the sub somewhere and give a false account of the surroundings, making the sub believe they’re somewhere they’re not, or that they are in a particularly vulnerable position.
Sensory Stimulation and Illusions
Working on the power of suggestion, these mindfucks require the sub to be blindfolded. The Dominant stimulates the sub’s other senses to make them believe something is about to happen. For example, the crack of a belt may lead them to believe they’ll be whipped when in fact the Dom has no intention of doing so.
Preparing for the Fun and Games
At the heart of every good mindfuck is a solid idea that balances emotional states and sensations with the sub’s safety and limits. So the first step is research.
Gently question each other about how you feel during your current BDSM activities. Each person should share what they enjoy, as well as the aspects of play that are within their limits but still feel challenging. They should also share anything they want to try and so may be flexible about when it comes to boundaries. For the Dominant, this is fuel for the fire. Each response should help them build their idea.
Keep in mind that the boundaries of the Dominant are just as important in this play as the submissive’s.
The Dominant needs to be comfortable carrying out the parameters of the mindfuck, whether it’s the punishment or the lesser of the two mindfuck evils.
Piecing a mindfuck together shouldn’t be rushed. It might take weeks or even months to concoct. But once the idea is in place, the Dominant should complete their pre-game preparation by:
- Dropping hints to their sub that something “new” or “unexpected” is coming.
- Preparing for every situation (e.g. the sub chooses one path over the other, something unexpected happens, the safe word is used).
- Collecting all the materials they need to bring the scene to life. (They may even ask the sub to help with this, throwing in a few red herrings to get the sub’s imagination whirring.)
- Making sure they have uninterrupted time to play and recover afterward.
Choose Your Chastity Mindfuck
Being well-practiced in orgasm control and denial will be a big help with your chastity mindfuck games, as is the willingness to withstand a ruined orgasm. Mastering them gives you more flexibility when it comes to what you can achieve.
With that said, use these chastity-specific mindfucks to get you started or put your own kinky spin on them.
Start With This, the Simplest of All Mindfucks
Sometimes less is more. I love this gentle intro to mindfucking. It’s so simple, yet it has the power to get a sub’s mind whirring with possibility and extra questions.
To make this work, all you need to say to your sub is, “I might unlock you soon.” And just let it hang in the air. Dropping it right before going to bed or heading out for the day is especially head-spinning. It’s important that the Dom doesn’t add any more detail. And if your sub asks for the specifics, simply refuse to answer.
Reverse the Question
An obedient caged sub knows the worst question they can ask is, “Can you unlock me?” This is the Keyholder’s chance to turn the tables.
Mistress, ask your guy if they want to be unlocked. No catch. No trick. It’s entirely up to them. Your unexpected behavior will throw them if your offer is genuine. But you should then remind them of their current streak. Breaking it is absolutely their choice.
They’re now in a quandary. And because this mindfuck doesn’t require any special equipment or huge setup, it can be done either during a session or thrown into casual conversation. Just choose a time when they’re least expecting it.
How Do You Imagine It?
Another one at the softer end of the mindfuck scale. When you’re snuggled together, ask him to describe how he imagines what his next period out of the cage will be like. Have him go into detail about what he imagines being done to him, and the circumstances leading up to his much-craved orgasm. Maintain eye contact throughout. You may even make encouraging gasps and noises to show you share in his excitement.
When he’s done (and his cage is a little snugger) remind him that you control all that will happen around his cage and pleasure.
Make Him Feel His Predicament
If your D/s dynamic extends into 24/7 life then your femdom mindfucks should take place regularly. Remind him of his pledge and his cage, but deliberately do things that you know arouse him. You might use your clothing or body language to do this or say things you know will excite him.
An Orgasm in Exchange For…
Find out the true value of an orgasm in your household by offering what he may have hinted he wants in exchange for something you’d like. Give him two or three options for things he could do in exchange for an orgasm, ideally making the thing you most want to happen the more appealing of the options.
Here are some examples for making this work.
- He gets an orgasm only if he withstands a spanking session with an implement of your choosing.
- He gets an orgasm only if he then recycles what he puts out.
- He gets an orgasm only if he lets you play out your cuckold fantasy. (This last one could work well as an illusion mindfuck if you blindfold him.)
The choices don’t have to be kinky or sex-related. If your guy identifies as a slave or maid, here’s your opportunity to get some of those nagging chores done. Just remember to make one of your options a household chore he really loathes.
Caged Voyeur
Get your sub to select 2-5 of his favorite toys from your collection and place them on a nearby tray. Ask him to undress, and then restrain him (ideally to the bed or a chair, but at the very least in a way that forces him to remain still).
His task is to be your eye candy while you get yourself off using one (or all) of the toys he picked out. Knowing he’s so close but unable to touch you or himself will challenge his mental strength.
Play and Deny
Whether he’s caged or in a state of unlock, give him something to think about next time you play. Allow him pleasure, but tell him he’s prohibited from cumming. If he does then he faces punishment, which might be to clean up the mess he’s made (using a cloth or his tongue, your choice), a spanking, or a prolonged period of chastity.
Strap-on Only PIV
This works especially well if your guy is still relatively new to chastity, or is used to going all the way with you when unlocked. Tell him you really want sex. But not just any sex. Tell him you want deep, penetrative sex. How long you let this idea linger is up to you, but when the time arrives present him with a strap-on and tell him he has to fuck you with that. You never know. He might be into it and take it upon himself to master the skills of the ghost dick.
After the Play Is Done
Being in a heightened emotional state for any amount of time, and presenting someone with confusing or confronting scenarios—or being the one carrying them out—can be a physical and mental drain. As with any form of kinky play, it’s important to give yourselves space once the fun ends to indulge in some BDSM aftercare.
At the very least you should both spend some time discussing your mindfuck. Talk about what you enjoyed, what felt challenging, and what (if you did it again) you’d rather drop from the scene or play. It’s only through open communication that mindfucks can become an enjoyable and regular part of your chastity repertoire.
