Whenever your read about chastity, it’s normally all about the submissive. What they should do, how they should act, and what cage should they wear? But the slave is only half of the equation, and for many successful chastity relationships the keyholder plays just as important a role. This guide defines the role of a key holder and helps both submissive and dominant partners understand the fetish.
But what is the keyholder? How do you become one, or if you're already caged, how do you find one? What should you do with the keys? Let’s explore this seemingly simple role and it’s place in a male chastity pledge.
What is the Keyholder?
Unsurprisingly, the keyholder is the person who holds the keys! These are usually the keys to the male chastity device that the slave’s penis is locked in.
All it takes to become a keyholder is to agree to look after the keys to a slave’s device. But just like putting on the cage isn’t all there is to chastity, looking after the keys isn’t all there is to being a keyholder. A key holder will commonly play the role of a female dominatrix, or Fem Dom in a female led relationship. The domme can be someone you're in a long-term relationship with like your wife, a friend with benefits, or even a professional mistress, for which online services, apps, and websites offer a convenient virtual keyholding experience if finding a Pro-Domme is not for you.
What Does a Keyholder Do During Chastity?
There’s no single answer to what a keyholder should do, as it will largely depend on the relationship you have with your locked up partner. However, there are a few things that nearly every couple have in common, which should give you some idea of what you’re getting into when you agree to look after his keys.
One of the most common things the keyholder will do is tease the slave, both during sex (as with ruined orgasms) and while they're locked up. This doesn’t have to be anything particularly extravagant, and doesn’t need to delve into the world of BDSM (unless you want to, of course). In fact, sometimes simply wearing the key as a piece of jewelry is all it takes!
Another very common role of the keyholder is facilitating the slave’s orgasms. This means you’ll usually decide in advance how often and how he’ll receive his orgasms, but it’s very rare that you’ll just uncage him and he’ll masturbate then get back in the cage. The days of release are important milestones for the slave, and give a keyholder the opportunity to have some fun.
After a period of lockup it’s likely the slave will be raring to go, and more than willing to provide all the pleasure you need in return for his orgasm. You can make this take as long as you want, amping up the tension more and more before you finally give him what you want.
Finally, most keyholders will supervise cleaning days. Not only will you need to unlock him so that he can actually clean his penis, but often they will keep an eye on the slave to make sure he doesn’t take advantage of his temporary freedom.
While there’s plenty more a keyholder can be responsible for, it will really depend on your relationship. You can take things much further, really amping up the power play and becoming the dominant keyholder that dictates everything that happens in the relationship.
Types of Keyholder
We’ve already alluded to the fact that the role of the keyholder will depend on the relationship, and part of that is the kind of keyholder you want to be. There’s many different ways to approach this, and different meanings behind keyholding, including:
- Simply looking after the keys.
- Being the keyholder for some kinky bedroom fun.
- Looking after his keys during a long term chastity pledge.
- Becoming a dominant holder and making it a part of your lifestyle.
- Being a long distance holder for one or more online slaves.
- Looking after the key for a friend.
- Becoming a gentle, loving and nurturing dominant who wants the best for their submissive.
If you’re only just discovering chastity, we’d recommend you spend some time reading our other blog posts to learn more about the many things it has to offer. Things you find interesting should help inform your decision about the kind of key holder you want to be.
Does Chastity NEED a Keyholder?
While the keyholder is an important part of the chastity dynamic, there are still many men who take on chastity alone. Technically, they play the role of both the slave and the keyholder, as they still have control of the key. Most of the time they’ll be playing the part of the slave though.
In some ways, men who practice solo chastity have it much harder. The temptation to unlock the cage will be much greater without a real keyholder to stop them. Luckily there are devices like the Key Pod that let you lock your key away and only get access to it after a certain amount of time.
If you don’t currently have one, we would encourage you to try and find someone to keep your keys. Adding the other person to your chastity dynamic can enrich it in so many ways, and make chastity so much more rewarding.
Make the Keyholder Feel Important Too!
While most things chastity focus on the chaste partner, the keeper plays an integral role, and you should make them feel like they do! If you’re a slave, don’t spend all your time focusing on yourself. Make sure you’re also meeting your keyholder’s needs and that they’re getting something out of the relationship.
If you’re a keyholder and your slave is forgetting how important you are, don’t be afraid to put your foot down! Without you he won’t be getting any orgasms after all…